On February 6, my son jumped into my car after
moving some papers I left on the front seat. They were face down but he read
through the top sheet and exclaimed, “Does this say vaginas!!” in an amused but
incredulous tone. He flipped it over to read the meme I had produced for
National Stop FGM Day. It states, “Vaginas are not the problem. Gender-based
violence is.”
We were on our way to the grocery store since I
wanted to purchase some groceries for him at his new place, a house he now
rents a room in. He works full-time in an assisted living community in order to
support himself and has recently learned that JOB is an acronym for Just Over
Broke. He moved out of my home in order to be independent which is a great way
to develop an appreciation for one’s parents and all they do. Soon after, he
related this to me by saying, “I didn’t realize that responsibility was a
plural term. You’re always told that you have to ‘be responsible’ but it really
means RESPONSIBILITIES.” I am biased to
feel this is an eloquent and insightful statement, I’m sure.
I do think
that he and I manage to have some really good conversations on a variety of
topics but it became clear rather quickly that female genital mutilation wasn’t
going to be one of them. This isn’t an
easy subject to broach with a young man or with anyone else for that matter. I
think this is what makes FGM such a taboo topic. Nobody really wants to confirm
its existence but I went on to explain to him the significance of the meme
which was part of an assignment for an activist writing class. Appropriately,
the date of completion happened to fall on February 6th, National
Stop FGM Day. He clammed up pretty quickly and I felt he may have been shooting
a small prayer to heaven, “Please don’t let her talk about this with me!” So we
didn’t. I like to think that I influence him without having to shove
information down his throat. I also feel this way about my friends and family
on Face book and I didn’t share my creation there.
Truthfully, even I don’t want to acknowledge the
existence of a cultural tradition that involves removing major parts of the
female genitalia. I have educated myself because it is important to be aware
and informed of even the most horrifying evils in this world. I can’t make
everyone else do the same but I can attempt to start a conversation. Judging by
the lack of comments on the links about FGM I did share on my personal FB page
that day, I can deduce that I probably ruined more than one person’s day. At least they didn't have their genitals surgically removed so hopefully some were grateful for that. I know I am. It is discouraging to realize all the people
I know would rather turn a blind eye but I can also empathize.
I once saw a
YouTube video of a young girl, around age 8, who had presumably just undergone
the traumatic experience of having her most trusted and loved female guardians
hold her down and butcher the most private part of her physical being. The
adults were retreating at the edges of the scene and she was pulling a blanket
around herself, grasping its security as if it could offer her some protection
from what was already done. Nothing can erase the memory of the look in her
scared brown eyes, so like my own daughter’s. So hurt and alone, just a tiny
soul with no understanding beyond that betrayal, I wanted to comfort her so
badly. She is why I have the urge to scream at these women who are doing this
to their very own daughters even as I know they are only doing what they
believe is right. She gives me the courage to bear the pain of knowing her
existence, acknowledging her pain, helping her to save the next generation
through education. She gives me the courage to try change the world just as if
she was my own daughter. I will never forsake her for the comfort of ignorance.
Great topic! I am sure when I have children one day I will run into this same situation and it will be a difficult concept to explain. It sounds like you did the right thing by not pushing any information to him that he did not want to hear at the time!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree that FGM is a really taboo subject, and can be kind of uncomfortable to talk about to other people. I have heard about what FGM entails, but what I didn't know was how often this actually happens around the world! This is something that I personally find disturbing beyond belief! Just trying to imagine myself in that situation makes my eyes well up a little bit, because girls half my age have gone through it. I think the reason that this may still be an issue is because people choose to ignore that this happens. Education is a good first step in correcting this wrong that happens way too often.
ReplyDeleteFGM is certainly a far too widespread awful practice which should be stopped. I would like to mention while were on the subject of genital mutilation however that intersex kids (1 in 150 births) often have their gender and sex simultaneously chosen for them by a doctor and are then cut up in such a way to conform to that sex. (See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer).
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that you write topics about you and your son; it's so insightful and inspiring. The topic about FGM is always tricky and hard to address, for me at least. It's something that we are not always aware of, especially in the United States and for both men and women equally. The fact that you yourself are educated in it and able to educate your son is a huge step, one that most people (especially mothers) do not take. I remember you bringing in the meme you made to class and it hit me hard and I am so glad that you had the courage to share it with your son, somewhat anyway. Starting the conversation is such a great way to be an activist.
ReplyDeleteI like that you connect FGM with a discussion you had with your son. Feminism is important for everyone- especially adolescents! I think you're a good mother for making him aware of such things going on in the world. I also am disgusted that people put their head in the sand when it comes to difficult topics like FGM. Whenever I talk about FGM, i remember our class with Gimbel and our conversation about "Is multiculturalism bad for women." We never really came up with a good answer, but for the most part, I would argue that we should stop FGM. Its hard for us to march into a culture and tell them how to run things, but their cultural decision and tradition to put women in harms way to control their sexuality and sexual performance is against a human right to one's own body. That leads me to another thing I would like you to address- what about women that agree to FGM? Women that want it performed on them for whatever cultural, societal or personal reason? How do we address that?
ReplyDeleteI think the continued use of conversations with your kids is a great way to connect your blog posts.
ReplyDeleteI had a class on children's global issues, and we discussed FGM and the tradition of circumcision in general. My mom refused to have her sons circumcised. She felt really strongly that if she wouldn't do that to her girls, she shouldn't do it to her boys either. It's a complex subject, and while I can support the call to stop FGM, I think female circumcision (when performed by a medical professional) is part of a cultural conversation.
I admire the brutal honesty in this post and solid attempts at educating overprivileged people in your social network about female genital mutilation. I agree that it's terrible how many people turn away from learning about it, like they pretend that it doesn't actually happen, and the only reason you put it on Facebook was to make them uncomfortable about this fantastical practice.
ReplyDeleteA few notes about the structure and content of your blog: I would recommend posting the tangible things you talk about in your posts (such as the GBV meme...I'm dying to see what it looks like), which you could just pop in as a picture. And try to use more links as well. You have the one to Stop FGM Day, which is nice, but I think there are several other places where links could have been very useful (like a link to the Youtube video you mention). Also, the first time you use the acronym FGM I didn't realise what it was - try defining acronyms the first time you use them so the reader is on the same page with you.
I very much appreciate you bringing this topic into a conversation with the class, otherwise I would've probably would've never even thought about it this semester- which just goes to show how much even us feminists turn a blind eye to such a practice. There is one thing I would like to know, given that you keep discussing this with your kids; what tips do you have for us to start discussions on labia mutilation with our friends and families?
ReplyDeleteThey have some truly awful practices. For cultures that expect so much of their women this kind of thing is nuts. When you preach to the young that they are expected to be pure and un tainted its makes zero sense to change something as natural as their vagina especially so forcibly.
ReplyDeleteI like your theme of your blog (incorporating your son into your posts). I was really moved by your discussion of FGM in class and although I knew it was an issue, I had never realized just how disgusting the practice was. I agree that this is a taboo topic and maybe by talking about it with more people and spreading awareness, we can help to stop it.
ReplyDeleteInteresting topic, I learned about FGM when I came to college and it completely shocked me, how could someone do such a painful thing to another person. It took me awhile to understand that hes their cultural beliefs and what they believe in. I totally agree that awareness of this procedure needs to be more well known.
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